Beyond Resolutions: Creating Change That Lasts
As the new year approaches, many of us begin reflecting on what we want to do differently. There’s something appealing about the idea of a fresh start. We make lists, set intentions, and decide that this year will be different.
But how often does that motivation fade after a few weeks? Gyms become quieter, notebooks of goals sit untouched, and we find ourselves slipping back into old patterns. It can be discouraging, leaving us to wonder: “Why can’t I stick to it?”
The truth is, most resolutions focus on short-term habit changes rather than the deeper process of real change.
Habit change vs. real change
A habit change is something we do. It’s often external and practical, like exercising more, reducing alcohol, or getting organised. These are positive intentions, but they usually rely on willpower alone. Without deeper understanding or emotional connection, willpower tends to fade when life becomes stressful or motivation dips.
Real change, on the other hand, grows from within. It begins when we start to understand why we want to change and how that connects to our values, beliefs, and sense of self. When change aligns with what truly matters to us, it becomes more meaningful and sustainable.
For example:
Instead of “I want to lose weight,” it might become “I want to feel more energised so I can enjoy time with my children.”
Instead of “I need to stop procrastinating,” it could become “I want to feel calmer and more confident in my work.”
The intention shifts from a task to a value-driven choice.
Connecting change to values and beliefs
Our values are the things that give life meaning - kindness, honesty, connection, growth, creativity, balance. When we make decisions guided by these, we often feel more fulfilled and motivated.
Try this reflection exercise:
Name your top three values. Examples might include family, health, learning, stability, or freedom.
Ask yourself: “How do my current habits support or conflict with these values?”
Explore what small, realistic actions could bring my daily life closer to these values.
For instance, if one of your core values is connection, a small step might be to check in with a friend once a week, or spend one evening a month with no devices and full attention on your loved ones.
When we anchor goals in our values, they stop feeling like chores and start feeling like acts of alignment. They become ways of living more authentically.
The “all-or-nothing” trap
One of the most common reasons change fails is all-or-nothing thinking. This mindset sounds like:
“I’ve ruined my plan already, so I will have a cheat day.”
“If I can’t do it perfectly, I might as well not do it at all.”
“I missed a day, so I’ve failed.”
This type of thinking can create cycles of guilt, shame, and burnout. Real change is never linear; it’s a process of experimenting, adjusting, and learning.
Instead of striving for perfection, try focusing on consistency over intensity. One missed day or setback doesn’t undo your progress. It is simply part of the learning curve. Ask, “What helped me before, and what can I try differently next time?”
The problem with expectations
Many resolutions come with unrealistic expectations. We imagine immediate results or transformation within weeks. When reality doesn’t match those expectations, frustration sets in.
High expectations often come from comparison - seeing what others appear to achieve online or feeling pressure to match certain standards. But real, lasting change rarely looks dramatic. It’s often quiet, steady, and internal before it becomes visible.
Try setting intentions that are process-based rather than outcome-based.
Instead of “I’ll meditate every day for 30 minutes,” try “I’ll take five minutes each morning to pause and breathe.”
Instead of “I’ll be healthier,” try “I’ll make one choice each day that supports my wellbeing.”
This shift focuses on progress, not perfection.
Creating a plan that aligns with your values
If you want your resolutions to last, it helps to create a structure that feels personal and grounded:
Reflect: Take time to journal about what you want to change and why. Ask yourself, “What difference will this make in my life or wellbeing?”
Identify barriers: Be honest about what gets in the way - fatigue, self-doubt, lack of time, fear of failure - and consider how you might respond with compassion instead of criticism.
Start small: Choose one small, specific action that feels achievable. Success builds confidence.
Track progress with flexibility: Use a journal, app, or notes on your phone to reflect on how it feels to stay connected to your values, rather than just ticking boxes.
Review regularly: Check in each month. Are your goals still meaningful? Do they need adjusting? What have you learned about yourself through this process?
Holding change gently
Change doesn’t need to begin on 1 January. It can start on any day you choose to pause, reflect, and take a small step toward a life that feels more aligned with who you are.
If you approach your goals with curiosity instead of judgement, you’ll create space for genuine growth rather than pressure. Change becomes less about fixing yourself and more about understanding yourself.
Real change is possible, but it happens through compassion, patience, and connection with what truly matters to you.
