Understanding LGBTQIA+: Identity, Acceptance and Living Authentically
This blog post is intended as a thoughtful and compassionate exploration of LGBTQIA+ identities, the challenges many people face, and ways of moving towards a life that feels more authentic and values led. Whether you are questioning, identifying within the LGBTQIA+ community, supporting someone else, or simply wanting to understand more, this piece aims to offer clarity, validation, and practical reflection.
Throughout, you will find gentle activities you can pause and complete. These draw in part from Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), which focuses on self-acceptance, values, and living meaningfully even in the presence of difficulty.
What Does LGBTQIA+ Mean?
LGBTQIA+ is an umbrella term that brings together a range of sexual orientations and gender identities. While language continues to evolve, the acronym commonly refers to:
Lesbian: women who are emotionally, romantically, or sexually attracted to women.
Gay: people who are attracted to others of the same gender. This term is often used for men, though some women also use it.
Bisexual: people who are attracted to more than one gender.
Transgender (Trans): people whose gender identity does not align with the sex they were assigned at birth.
Queer or Questioning: queer is a reclaimed term for some, encompassing diverse identities. Questioning refers to people who are still exploring their sexuality or gender.
Intersex (I): people born with physical sex characteristics that do not fit typical definitions of male or female.
Asexual (A): people who experience little or no sexual attraction.
Plus (+): acknowledges other identities such as pansexual, non-binary, and more.
Each letter represents real people with unique experiences. The term is not about placing people into boxes, but about creating language that allows for understanding, recognition, and community.
Reflection activity
Take a moment to notice what comes up for you when reading these definitions. Are there labels that feel comforting, uncomfortable, or unclear? You might write down any thoughts without trying to change them.
The Importance of Every Identity and the Reality of Bi Erasure
Every identity within the LGBTQIA+ community matters. However, not all experiences receive equal visibility or acceptance, even within LGBTQIA+ spaces.
Bisexual people, for example, often experience bi erasure. This can include assumptions that bisexuality is a phase, confusion, or only valid if someone is in a relationship with a particular gender. Bisexual people may be perceived as either gay or straight depending on their current partner, which can lead to feelings of invisibility, invalidation, and isolation.
Similar erasure can occur for asexual, intersex, non-binary, and pansexual individuals, whose identities are sometimes misunderstood or minimised.
Recognising these experiences is important. Feeling seen and believed plays a significant role in mental wellbeing.
Values activity (ACT)
Consider the value of respect. What does respect for identity look like in your own life, towards yourself and towards others? Write a few words or phrases that capture this.
Transphobia, Homophobia and the Current Climate
Many LGBTQIA+ people face discrimination, prejudice, or hostility. This can range from subtle comments and assumptions to overt harassment, exclusion, or violence.
In recent years, trans people in particular have been subject to increased public scrutiny, political debate, and misinformation. Media narratives and policy discussions often focus on trans bodies and lives without centring trans voices. This can create an environment of fear, invalidation, and chronic stress.
Experiencing or witnessing transphobia and homophobia can impact mental health, contributing to anxiety, low mood, hypervigilance, and a sense of unsafety. These responses are understandable reactions to a difficult environment, not personal weaknesses.
It is important to say clearly: trans identities are valid. Sexual and gender diversity have existed across cultures and history. The problem lies not in who people are, but in how society responds.
Grounding activity
If reading this brings up strong emotions, pause and take three slow breaths. Gently notice five things you can see, four you can feel, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste. This can help bring your attention back to the present moment.
Self-Acceptance When You Are Not There Yet
Self-acceptance is often spoken about as a goal, but for many people it is a gradual and uneven process. You may feel acceptance on some days and doubt or discomfort on others.
From an ACT perspective, the aim is not to force acceptance, but to make room for thoughts and feelings without letting them define you or control your actions.
You might notice thoughts such as:
“This would be easier if I were different.”
“People will reject me if they really know me.”
Rather than arguing with these thoughts, you can practise noticing them as thoughts, not facts.
ACT exercise: Naming the thought
When a self-critical thought appears, try saying: “I am having the thought that…” before the sentence. Notice whether this creates even a small amount of distance.
Deciding Whether You Are Ready to ‘Come Out’
Coming out is a personal choice, not an obligation. Some people choose to come out widely, some selectively, and some not at all. Readiness can depend on emotional safety, physical safety, financial independence, cultural context, and personal support.
Questions you might gently explore include:
Who feels safest to tell first?
What do I hope might happen?
What support would I need if it does not go well?
Coming out can be a process rather than a single moment.
Planning activity
Draw three columns and label them: Support, Risks, Resources. Write down what comes to mind for each. This can help clarify your decision without pushing you in one direction.
Coping With Unacceptance from Others
Not everyone will respond with understanding or kindness. This can be deeply painful, particularly when rejection comes from family, friends, or faith communities.
You are allowed to set boundaries to protect your wellbeing. This might mean limiting contact, choosing not to engage in certain conversations, or seeking affirmation elsewhere.
ACT encourages focusing on what is within your control. You cannot control others’ beliefs, but you can choose actions that align with your values, such as self-respect, honesty, or compassion.
Boundary reflection
Ask yourself: “What do I need in order to feel emotionally safer right now?” Write one small boundary you could practise.
Making New Friends and Relationships
Finding connection can feel daunting, especially after experiences of rejection. Many LGBTQIA+ people find healing through chosen family, friendships, and communities that affirm who they are.
This might include:
LGBTQIA+ social or support groups
Online communities
Creative, activist, or interest-based spaces
When building new relationships, it can be helpful to move at a pace that feels manageable and to notice when interactions align with your values.
Values-led action (ACT)
Choose one value that matters to you in relationships, for example authenticity or kindness. Identify one small action you could take this month that moves you towards connection in line with that value.
Living a Values-Aligned Life
Living in line with your values does not mean life becomes easy or pain-free. It means choosing actions that reflect who you want to be, even when fear, doubt, or uncertainty are present.
Your identity, relationships, and self-expression are not problems to be fixed. They are parts of a meaningful human experience.
If you are struggling, support from an affirming counsellor can provide a space to explore these experiences safely and at your own pace.
If you would like to explore these themes further in counselling, or if you are supporting someone who is LGBTQIA+, you are welcome to get in touch.
